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BigCarolinaFan20
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Name: Ryan
Country: United States
State: South Carolina
Metro: Greenville
Birthday: 9/20/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: I am a Sports Management major, so that could be considered an interest. I like having fun but i dont think that is an interest. I really cant think of anything else to put.
Expertise: Sports and only sports! i can tell you everything about anything in the sport world. i am being told that i am good at making random comments and making people smile and feel good too. i kno im good at makin my girl andrea smile too so yay.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  BigCarolinaFan20
Member Since:
11/20/2004
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| A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then...." He sighed...... Let's put
all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......." One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out!'
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay.
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT! The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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| Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the curs UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed< SPAN lang=EN-GB> UP is special .
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind U with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP! . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........... it is time to shut UP.....!
Oh . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P
O ya I bought a new truck yesterday. I put pics up on facebook if u wanna see it. ttyl | | |
| CHARLOTTE , NC (AP) - A seven-year-old Charlotte , North Carolina boy was at the
center of a Mecklenburg County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a
court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history
of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody
to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring
that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy
surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than
his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge
then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out
they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate
family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life
among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to
propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check
legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge
granted temporary custody to the Carolina Panthers, whom the boy firmly
believes are not capable of beating anyone. | | |
| Q: What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Carolina Panthers.
Q: How do you keep a Carolina Panther out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Charlotte in case of a tornado?
A: Bank of America Stadium - they never have a touchdown there.
Q: What do you call a Carolina Panther with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: Why doesn't Raleigh have a professional football team?
A: Because then Charlotte would want one.
Q: What's the difference between the Carolina Panther and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Carolina Panthers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: How many Carolina Panthers does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out.
And my personal favorite:
Q: What do the Carolina Panthers and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make a whole stadium stand up and yell, "Jesus Christ!" | | |
| A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south,
just outside of Washington, DC. Nothing is moving
north or south.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver
rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened?
What's the hold up?'
'Terrorists have kidnapped President Bush, Vice
President Cheney, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and
Anne Coulter. They are demanding a $100 million
ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with
gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car
to car, taking up a collection.' The driver asks, 'On average how much is everyone
giving?'
'About a gallon.' | | |
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